Dear Husband is in the doghouse. In uncharacteristic restraint, I am not going to share all the gory details here. This too shall pass, and I don’t need a transcript of it on the web. Nobody does.
Why then, you may ask, bring it up at all?
In the spirit of noticing silver linings, here is one. I wrote to a girlfriend to vent about hubby. Here was her response:
You have good reason to feel resentment. You are a sincere, creative, intelligent person who has strived your whole life to have a positive impact on the people around you. You are deeply fair and appropriate. You are unselfish. Because of your pragmatic nature, you have made up your mind to be committed to your husband, even though he tests your sense of what is fair and appropriate. In fact, you have infinitely more patience and tolerance than I do for mine.
You are fucking awesome.
This. Is. The. Best. It transports me from “I am so furious I can’t see!” to “I am fucking awesome!” Priceless.
If you are a man out there and have female friends, please examine the note carefully. Attempt to emulate it when you want to be supportive of a (girl)friend. Notice the key elements.
- Lavish, unconditional, and specific praise.
- Very careful treatment of the ill-behaved husband: “he tests your sense of what is fair and appropriate” — she does not use her rapier wit to demolish him, even though she could.
- Powerful, useful (!) mantra in conclusion.
When they introduce new Nobel Prizes, like one for Girlfriendship, this friend will be on the short list.