Shoals of Adolescence

A funny post floated by in my Facebook stream containing “tips from a teenager.” Some of the tips:

when the trash is full                              put more trash on it

when you need something specific from the store          ask if you can stay in the car

if you scrunch up a towel correctly                      you can make it stay wet f.o.r.e.v.e.r.

the water you accidentally spilled makes the floor slippery        quickly exit to safety

the ground is your closet’s largest shelf                              use it accordingly

The words are funny, but the graphic presentation of the tips make them even funnier. Check them out: https://www.facebook.com/teenagerprotips/.

But wait! I am no longer a mother of teenagers. As my father eloquently declared a few years ago, I have survived the shoals of adolescence. Notice the subtle metaphor: parenting as potential shipwreck. Have I mentioned that “optimism that everything will work out” was not on tap in my childhood?

I feel completely qualified to give this tip from a purebred pessimist:

destruction can happen                              at any moment

Happily, this teenager tip is a distant memory:

740am school dropoff                  736-738am ask “can you sign these school forms?”

But this teenager tip is alive and well in my life:

wait a few weeks to unpack

Weeks? I WISH!

So some of the teenager’s tips have a long shelf life. Come to think of it, “quickly exit to safety” stands the test of time.

destruction can happen                              quickly exit to safety

There. Much better. And as for the indefinitely delayed unpacking:

your house is a mess                              ask if you can stay in the car